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within the confines of these carbon ribs

“no, I’m a new creature!”

she yelled it this time, from her gut she yelled it. and when she was done, she was ready to do it again.

“get behind me satan!”

this is what Christ said to Peter when Peter said they shouldn’t go to Jerusalem. Jesus knew that He was headed to His death, He knew. and He would stop at nothing to die for me. to carry the cross of my shame, as I stand scoffing, but now I am ashamed.

I have turned my back, Im in the corner, Im crying, I want no food, no water, no comfort, and so I scream, like a child put in time out, angry, only because I know I’ve done wrong and I dont want to own up to it.

yes, thats the reason Im there, and I am letting my sin eat my skin away, I have holes in me, thats why I hide my face in the corner, I look under my arm to see behind me, the huge lump of my sin that I shoved under the carpet and danced around is still there… all I want is for it to be gone.

want to know the reason as to why it wont?

because I wont tell the truth, I wont confess that I dont think He can remove it from me…and this is where I sigh…cause I know I am so wrong.

“my dear.”

its loud in my head, but too gentle to be an angels voice. thats because its my Abba, He is calling me.

“my darling, come on.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, I focus on the small but booming voice, He said come, so I stand up turn around and walk out of my corner across a smooth smooth rug.

He picks me up, and just pulls me in close, I soak His shirt with my tears and runny nose, because thats the way it is when a daddy picks His darling own back up off the floor where she had just struggled away from Him, He doesnt care about the dampness of His sleeve now, it’ll dry.

He lays me down in my bed to sleep, and He brushes my hair out of my face just to make sure I see Him smile at me.

He walks over a smooth smooth rug on the way out of the door and turns off the lights, He looks at me, and in His eyes He says, “its like looking at a bright light, seeing my child clothed in righteousness.” as if He never flipped the switch.

“goodnight, my beloved.”

“night Abba…do you still love me?”

“of course I do. I will never leave you or forsake you, remember, I promised”

but she will need reminding, because as long as she is a sojourner in this land she will need His help, daily.

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